Reed's Reads of Wisdom Wednesdays™: The Ghosts We Compete With: Healing From Past Relationships

Some ghosts don’t need graveyards. They live in memories, in photo frames, in silence.They don’t haunt with moans—they haunt with unfinished stories, untold truths, and the weight of what could have been.

In Chapter 2 "Destiny’s Call" of Book I of S.O.L.A.D.™: Soldiers of Light Against Darkness™, Juanita Grayson walks into Kevin Edwards’ childhood home and immediately feels it:

The presence of Carmen—Kevin’s late ex-girlfriend—lingering in the room, woven into the fabric of the family’s memories, and staring back from behind glass photo frames.

It’s not just grief Juanita feels. It’s not even jealousy. It’s something far deeper, more paralyzing:

The fear that she’s competing with someone who can never be confronted.

And that fear? It’s a ghost many of us know all too well.

🌪️ THE GHOST IN THE ROOM: WHO GETS TO STAY?

"How could Carmen have killed his baby? Then she goes and dies in a fire. She broke his heart twice… and then, so did I."

Juanita’s pain is layered. She’s not just dealing with a man who once loved someone else—she’s dealing with a man who lost someone else.

The grief. The confusion. The guilt of wanting to replace her.

And the helplessness of realizing you can't fight a ghost.

But here's the thing:

No one wins when we start competing with the past.

Whether it's a deceased ex, an old flame, or even an idealized version of someone who once "got away"...

The past is a poor foundation for building anything new. And if we’re not careful, we will become architects of our own emotional ruin—trying to prove we’re worthy of being chosen this time.

But you don't have to compete. You have to heal.

🛡️ DEFENDING THE HEART: WHY HEALING MATTERS

Let’s go deeper.

Kevin is still reeling from the trauma of Carmen—a woman who not only ended their relationship but ended her pregnancy, then her life, in a way that left behind scars deeper than words.

Juanita broke up with Kevin without explanation, because even if she couldn’t compete with Carmen’s memory, she also couldn’t stand in its shadow.

Both are hurting. Both are guarding their hearts. Both need healing.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

But here’s what we forget: Guarding your heart doesn’t mean locking it away. It means giving it over to the only One who can truly protect and restore it: God.

✨ DIVINE LOVE DOESN'T COMPETE—IT COMPLETES

Let’s tell the truth:

• You may have loved someone who still dreamed of their ex.

  
  

• You may have been compared to a past partner—in bed, in personality, in presence.

  
  

• You may have lost someone because they couldn't let go of someone else.

It hurts. Deeply. But God doesn’t ask us to carry the pain alone.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

Healing starts when we stop striving to be better than "them" and start receiving who we are in God's eyes.

You are not Plan B. You are not the consolation prize. You are not the rebound.

You are called. You are chosen. You are enough.

And the love God has for you is not measured against someone else’s ghost.

🔨 DESTRUCTION OF DESTINY: WHEN UNHEALED PASTS SABOTAGE FUTURE BLESSINGS

Kevin and Juanita were clearly meant to be. Their chemistry, history, and spiritual alignment were divine. But emotional baggage delayed their destiny.

Let this be a warning:

Even divinely appointed relationships can be delayed or destroyed if we let the past dictate our present.

In the Bible, Lot's wife was told to not look back. She did. She turned into a pillar of salt. (Genesis 19:26)

She became stuck—forever memorialized in the posture of regret.

How many of us are frozen because we keep looking back?

• Back at what didn’t work.

  
  

• Back at who left us.

  
  

• Back at who hurt us.

  
  

• Back at what we thought was the one.

Let me be clear: God doesn't live in your yesterday. He lives in your now. He lives in your future. He lives in your next.

🙏🏾 DECLARATIONS OF HEALING

Say these out loud, boldly and in faith:

• I am not competing with anyone’s past.

  
  

• I am not defined by someone else’s pain.

  
  

• I release the ghost of comparison.

  
  

• I declare healing over my heart.

  
  

• I believe God is doing a new thing in me and through me.

  
  

• I am worthy of present love.

  
  

• I no longer rehearse past wounds.

  
  

• I will walk boldly into my future.

🕊️ SCRIPTURES TO STAND ON

• Isaiah 43:18-19 — "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing."

  
  

• 2 Corinthians 5:17 — "If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone."

  
  

• Philippians 3:13 — "...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead."

  
  

• Ecclesiastes 3:1 — "There is a time for everything..."

  
  

• Psalm 34:18 — "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted."

🌌 HEALING TIPS FOR EMOTIONAL FREEDOM

1. Journal through your triggers. What do you feel? Where did it start?

   
   

2. Stop stalking the past. Let go of exes’ social media and stop replaying old memories.

   
   

3. Pray and release. Forgive those who left you, betrayed you, or passed away with pieces of your heart.

   
   

4. Affirm your identity. Root your confidence in God’s love, not people’s acceptance.

   
   

5. Set emotional boundaries. You don’t need to fix anyone or wait for someone to choose you.

   
   

6. Seek godly counsel. A therapist or spiritual mentor can help walk you through the layers.

🎵 SONGS OF FREEDOM

• "Heartbreak Anniversary" – Giveon

  
  

• "Still Learning" – H.E.R.

  
  

• "Bag Lady" – Erykah Badu

  
  

• "Pieces" – Amanda Cook

  
  

• "Gracefully Broken" – Tasha Cobbs Leonard

  
  

• "Wait on You" – Maverick City Music x Elevation Worship

  
  

• "I Am Not Alone" – Kari Jobe

  
  

• "Trust in You" – Anthony Brown & group therAPy

✨ FINAL THOUGHTS

Kevin and Juanita are on the verge of something incredible. But the ghosts of grief, regret, and emotional confusion must be laid to rest first.

We are all Kevin. We are all Juanita. At some point, we have to ask ourselves:

Am I still haunted by what hurt me, or am I healed enough to walk into what God has for me?

Let the past rest in peace. Let your present rise in purpose. Let your future bloom in freedom.

And never forget: You are not in a competition for someone’s love. You are in position for God’s best.

✉️ Want more stories of healing, faith, and destiny? Order your autographed copy of S.O.L.A.D.™: Soldiers of Light Against Darkness™ Book I & II now at👉🏾 www.tyronetonyreedjr.com/the-shop

Read it. Reflect on it. Rise above it.