Tony Tips Tuesdays™: Writing Through Grief and Loss

As writers, we are no strangers to emotion. Our job is to channel real human experiences into words that live on the page—and few experiences are as universal, complex, and transformative as grief. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a dream, an identity, or even innocence, grief reshapes a person from the inside out.

So why wouldn’t it do the same to your characters?

In this week’s Tony Tips Tuesdays™, we’re exploring how to write grief with authenticity and purpose—how to let loss shape your characters in a way that feels honest, moving, and deeply human.

💔 Why Grief Deserves Space in Your Story

Grief in fiction does more than just tug at heartstrings. It:

• Adds depth and dimension to your characters

  
  

• Raises the stakes of the story

  
  

• Makes your world feel more real and relatable

  
  

• Creates powerful opportunities for growth, regression, or reinvention

  
  

• Helps readers process their own losses through your words

Writing grief isn’t just about pain. It’s about truth. It’s about letting your characters fall apart so they can come back together—different, maybe broken, but never unchanged.

🧠 Understand the Types of Grief

Not all grief looks the same. Here are a few emotional layers you might explore:

• Acute grief – Immediate, raw, overwhelming

  
  

• Delayed grief – Suppressed for months or years before resurfacing

  
  

• Anticipatory grief – The pain of knowing loss is coming

  
  

• Ambiguous grief – Loss without closure (missing persons, emotional distance)

  
  

• Cumulative grief – Multiple losses that pile up without time to process

  
  

• Disenfranchised grief – Losses society doesn’t acknowledge (ex-lovers, secret relationships, infertility, etc.)

Each form brings different emotional beats—and different storytelling potential.

✍🏾 How to Write Grief That Resonates

1. Let It Be Messy

Grief doesn’t follow a script. Your characters might cry uncontrollably—or feel nothing at all. They might lash out, withdraw, laugh at inappropriate moments, or try to numb the pain. Show the chaos.

She couldn’t cry at the funeral. But three weeks later, she broke down in the cereal aisle over a brand he used to buy.

2. Use the Five Stages (But Not As a Checklist)

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

These aren’t linear. Let your character loop through them, stall out, skip some, or revisit others.

He bargained in silence: one more year. Just one more. Take me instead.

3. Show How Grief Alters Behavior

What do they stop doing? What do they start doing? How do they avoid, self-sabotage, or cope?

• Do they stop showing up to work?

  
  

• Pick fights with friends?

  
  

• Avoid music they used to love?

  
  

• Start volunteering at a hospital or pouring themselves into a cause?

Let grief disrupt their routine, relationships, and reality.

4. Explore Physical Responses

Grief isn’t just emotional—it’s physical:

• Tight chest

  
  

• Loss of appetite

  
  

• Exhaustion

  
  

• Headaches

  
  

• Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much

  
  

• Panic attacks

Writing the body’s reaction grounds the reader in the character’s internal storm.

5. Allow Long-Term Effects

Don’t “fix” them by the next chapter.

Let their grief evolve—mellowing, mutating, resurfacing in unexpected ways. Grief isn’t something we get over. It’s something we learn to carry.

Ten years later, she still reached for two coffee cups every morning.

🌱 Grief and Character Transformation

Grief can be the catalyst or complication of your story. Ask yourself:

• How does this loss shape their worldview?

  
  

• What fear has it created in them?

  
  

• Who do they become in the aftermath?

  
  

• What strength did it unlock—or destroy?

A character changed by grief isn’t just more layered—they’re more real.

📖 How I Wrote Grief in S.O.L.A.D.™: Soldiers of Light Against Darkness™

In both Book I: S.O.L.A.D.™ and Book II: It's Just the Beginning, I didn’t shy away from showing how grief breaks, molds, and reveals my characters. One powerful example is Kevin, our protagonist. The weight of losing people close to him—friends, family, mentors—becomes more than just a plot device. It’s emotional propulsion.

In Book I, when tragedy hits close to home, Kevin doesn't immediately cry or shout—he disconnects. He questions everything: his calling, his strength, even his faith. The silence in those moments speaks volumes, showing readers that grief doesn’t always scream; sometimes, it whispers. And that whisper can be more haunting than a roar.

Then there's Juanita, whose grief over lost time, missed truths, and fractured connections plays out not just through tears, but through fierce resolve. She builds walls, but also forges deeper empathy.

Her grief becomes the channel through which she finds her power.

In Book II, grief becomes a motivator—and sometimes a divider. Team dynamics shift. Friendships are tested. We see characters retreat into themselves, make rash decisions, and discover new strengths—all through the lens of loss. I didn’t want my readers to just witness grief. I wanted them to feel it alongside my characters.

And I guess, subconciously, alongside of me. My father Tyrone Reed Sr, and my father-in-law David Cheshier, both died within a month of each other, when I was half-way through writing Book II. So the scenes of grief in that book are from a writer who was going through that grief in its rawest form.

Grief in my stories doesn’t wrap up in a neat bow. It lingers, resurfaces, transforms. That’s real. That’s human. And that’s what makes a story stay with you long after the last page.

✨ Fictional Examples of Grief Done Well

📚 Literature:

• Harry Potter (J.K. Rowling): The loss of Harry’s parents defines him, but Sirius, Dumbledore, and others show grief’s evolving impact.

• The Fault in Our Stars (John Green): Raw and poetic—showing how love and loss walk hand in hand.

• Beloved (Toni Morrison): A haunting, lyrical exploration of grief, guilt, and generational trauma.

🎬 Film:

• Up: The silent montage of Carl and Ellie’s life is one of the most moving portrayals of loss in animation.

• Black Panther: Wakanda Forever: A tribute to both a fictional king and a real-life actor—grief is central to every character’s arc.

• Manchester by the Sea: A masterclass in frozen grief—how some wounds never fully heal.

📺 TV:

• This Is Us: Layers of grief across generations, handled with nuance and deep empathy.

• The Leftovers: A global event of ambiguous loss—exploring grief on a mass scale.

• Euphoria: Rue’s addiction and inner spiral are tied to the trauma of her father’s death.

🎮 Video Games:

• The Last of Us: Both games use loss to drive character development and moral complexity.

• Life is Strange: Choices around grief and sacrifice are central to the story.

• God of War: Ragnarok: The emotional fallout of past grief is threaded through every moment.

✍🏾 Writing Prompts

• A character receives news of a loss… but can’t show their emotion in public.

  
  

• Two people grieve the same person in very different ways.

  
  

• A character’s entire identity was built around someone they lost. Who are they now?

  
  

• Write a letter your character never sends to the person they lost.

📌 Tony Tip:

“Don’t rush the healing. Let your characters live in the ache, the silence, the shadow. Real transformation happens in the wreckage.”

Grief is sacred storytelling ground. If you’re going to walk your characters through it, do it with care. Do it with empathy. Do it with truth.

And don’t forget—what you write might be the very words someone else needs to read.

📚 Want more insight like this?Explore the emotional and spiritual journeys of my heroes in the S.O.L.A.D.: Soldiers of Light Against Darkness™ series and more.

✨ Get autographed copies today at:👉🏾 www.tyronetonyreedjr.com/the-shop

Until next time—keep writing with courage, honesty, and heart.